When are you going to join B*C Kira*Kira?

This question has been lingering since I met B*C and honestly I almost jumped into applying when I first found their site without thinking.  Many B*C Gals have been asking me this and I`ve asked myself this several times but I really don`t know.

When I first started hanging out with B*C and started going to school downtown I thought the self esteem issues I had were gone. Those first few weeks I felt like I could conquer anything. I finally got the hang of liquid eyeliner. I  started dressing a lot better going from loose fitting jeans, to skinny jeans to leggings and really short shorts with cute fur boots. My clothes were really coordinated and although I still couldn`t hold a conversation to save my life, I was getting out a lot more. I was the happiest I`d ever been.

I`ve been trying my best to remain positive but these past few weeks have taken their toll on me. I`ve been struggling more than ever with how I feel about myself. I spend the whole week hating my face because I can`t wake up early enough to even put on the eyeliner. I look in the mirror focusing on how shitty my skin is, probably stressing myself out even more and making it break out worst. The junk I was using on my face dried it out so bad that it flakes no matter what I put on it so I`ve been using this old school stuff.

It looks like it`s getting a lot better but it`s scarring up. I`ve been failing at buying stuff lately, I successfully bought lashes but got the individual glue so I can`t use them and that discourages me from buying foundation or concealer I don`t even know how to use to cover up my acne.

When I first considered being Gal I was afraid of all the makeup ruining my face, then I stopped caring and now my thoughts change everyday.  I even questioned whether I was trying to cover my own face out of pure self-hate.

I don`t have what it takes yet so I won`t join a circle or call myself Gal if I can`t commit to the lifestyle. I don`t want to be the girl who stops showing up and comes looking fucked up. I don`t want to appear like I don`t give a shit but I think I`m the shit because I don`t, I just feel like shit. Everyday I wake up feeling shitty about myself and I don`t want to go to B*C boo hooing all the time. That shit gets annoying for the people who have to listen to it. I know they care about me and offer their advice but I don`t want to piggyback off of anybody. Time has been against me and I don`t want to use that as an excuse. So when I can`t work on makeup, I do research, I try to learn some Para Para and if nothing else I try to fix my fucked up skin.

 My life has been getting the right answers out of textbooks and staying in the house. I don`t know how to handle not getting the results I want right away because I never tried to do much outside of home and school. I never focused on working on myself and I feel like I`m not as aware of myself as I should be.  Maybe I`m rushing things and just getting frustrated especially since I`m in college around all these experienced people who seem to have it all together but I`m not use to this.

I don`t know what everyone`s talking about and I feel like an outsider where ever I go but what makes me feel even worst is making up for 18 yrs of not living. I feel like a baby relying on everyone around me and I feel like they don`t understand why I act the way I do. It`s not just to be selfish or seem superior. I`m lost and don`t want to feel stupid because every time I open my mouth the answer I get is always something simple, something I should already know, but I don`t. So I try to figure it out myself and avoid asking questions. Stupid right? But that`s just how I am right now but I`m working on it.

From now on I`m going to push myself much harder because I really look up to every Gal in B*C.

I look up to Lisha for being my first real Gal inspiration. I watched her videos on YouTube, read her blogs and if I hadn`t contacted her when I did, who knows what I`d be be doing right now. I would probably be a real hikikomori (basically a recluse) if I hadn`t. I found her story about her journey to becoming Gal and I admire her for coming this far because Tomo mentions her being much more quiet and I just can`t believe it because she reeks confidence to me.

Although I met many of the members of B*C before her, I feel I`m alot more comfortable around Tomo because she`s so truthful and real about everything. She`s always so full of energy and laughing at everything. She makes me laugh so much that I have to hold back tears to keep my eyeliner in place (I`m scared to fix it outside my home).

I didn`t know the true meaning of Gal until I really got to talk to L.A. She`s been nurturing since I met B*C and bawled my eyes out when everyone had to introduce their selves (I try my hardest not to but I`m only a crybaby when I have to talk  about myself  because of all the self esteem issues I have). When I see other Gals I automatically assume they have everything even though I know alot of them work. L.A. is always overcoming her struggles and openly shares them with the rest of us, making me want to work as hard as she does.

Krystal is just amazing to me. I used to get teased a lot for always being the shortest where ever I go. I have a lot of friends who are otaku (I still love them but they are VERY ABUSIVE), they would just pick me up and toss me around like a rag doll but Krystal is a tad bit shorter than me but doesn`t take shit from anybody. She has her own band and has such a powerful voice.

 I always wear my extensions fresh out of a wrap. When she asked me if I wanted to curl my with her curling iron or let her do it, I simply said it was okay, I`d wear it as it but she did it anyway. (I felt so bad.) I`m determined to learn how to curl my hair myself (I need a curling iron though because my house is full of the ones for the stove and I already know how clumsy I am so that`s ok). Krystal is also very considerate. She`s always welcoming us into her home and feeding us all the delicious things she gets from China Town.

Moga is super nice. I like to recede into corners and she checks on me often. She`s always encouraging me to dance (I often don`t even try because when I para para I look like I`m flailing and having convulsions.)  I`m currently learning the Distance~In Your love~ Para she sent me and I`m determined so I try to practice everyday. I still think I look very awkward from always avoiding dancing after I was little but I want to Para with B*C one day (when I`m a little more graceful) and even if I remain horrible at it, I`ll do it with them if they want a mascot.

Nami (from CHANCE), honestly at first I thought she would be really mean but she`s beyond words (but not mean at all). Whenever I think of Nami, I think ENERGY!!!!!

There are a few other members of B*C but I haven`t been around them as much as these Gals.  I met Kevi once and she amazes me being the youngest member of B*C and already knowing so much. She also makes me want to Para Para more because of how much she showed me the first day I met B*C. There`s also Murphy, I haven`t met her at all but I look forward to meeting her in the future.

I`ll join when I feel like I`m prepared...Time to work harder...

Still not getting the hang of any of this at all.... ._.

After meeting B*C for the first time, I`ve been randomly running into members on campus and hanging out with them. During my first week of school, I got terribly lost trying to get to the train station with Lisha, Tomo and Nami (a St. Louis Gal from the Nagosa CHANCE) and they went through hell trying to get me to another station so I could get home. Despite trying to save them time to do what they want, they always wait with me at train stations and para para dance to pass time.

*stolen from Tomo`s FB,  I hope she doesn`t mind*

*stolen from Tomo`s FB*

Tomo and Lisha did Gyaru make up on me and Tomo even gave me 2 make up palettes for some glitter eye shadow even though I don`t know how to use them. They keep me updated on their events. Tomo calls me B*C`s little sister and is always offering her dorm and meditation for when I`m stressed but I just don`t feel like I belong. LA gave me the name Kira*Kira (glittering, sparkling, shiny, twinkle twinkle) and she`s always sharing so many valuable life lessons with me. I had my first real drinks with them and I stay out later with them than I do with any of my other friends. I`m still use to fading into the background and going into my own little world. I wonder if this bothers them.

*more stolen pics*

I`m sensitive, I know but I always feel like crying when they`re nice to me. Sometimes I even want to ask them about what they really think of me even if it`s hurtful (I have a tendency to think people are thinking horrible things about me so I would rather hear them say it).

Maybe I haven`t gotten over years of isolating myself and picking at my own self-esteem yet (I seriously use to think I was fat no matter what anybody told me so I wore black and hoodies religiously. I wore glasses from 2nd grade until a week before prom senior year and I didn`t feel pretty at all so I would put all kinds of weave in my hair to cover most of my face. My mom did my hair and all I would do is wake up and comb it back in my face all day.

 I stayed in my room as much as possible and I did cut while filling my head with all kinds of untrue but self defeating thoughts. I started believing them and they do still linger but I stopped cutting over 2yrs ago and I`m ready to move on. Things are so much better now. Going out more came first and now I`m just exploring.)

I`ve always wanted to be a normal girl (cliche I know) but I did want to be into hair, make up and clothes. I just wasn`t confident enough. I made myself believe I didn`t deserve it and that I wasn`t capable of learning so I didn`t even try. I got tired of my old state of mind after realizing how unhappy I was and I regretted everything I missed not living life.

After thinking about how much confidence old school Gals had to have, I wanted that confidence and became inspired. When I started learning about Gyaru Kei images of Gals like Buriteri were stuck in my head and I was heartbroken when I found out the older styles were just about dead but I still appreciate modern Gal trends. I just wish Yamanba, manba, banba and even wilder tsuyome styles were more present in the Gal community.

Style update:

(I typically dress like this now. Sorry for the bad quality I`m using my phone until I get a good camera. My posing is a little derpy too.)

(This is what I bought when I started trying to improve the way I dress. My closet is okay but could still use some work. I was really lacking in accessories and didn`t wear many at all. Excuse the rest of my mess. I had just moved. The hat is really bad so I don`t wear it TT.TT)

Intro:GIRL not Gal

Hi I`m Kira*Kira, a regular 18yr old Chicago girl.

 Growing up, Asian art dominated the interior of my home so I`ve always had an interest in the Asian culture. After years of watching anime (Sailor Moon being my first) and reading manga I began researching the culture moving from music to culture in general and finally fashion. I admit I was stupid. I actually almost bought into Harajuku style until I realized there is no Harajuku style just an area called Harajuku where people come to express themselves through clothing. People like Gwen Stefani and Nicki Minaj promoting Harajuku style probably saw people dressed in Decora and started spreading disinformation. I also got into Gothic Lolita and Visual Kei.

Every now and then, I came across pictures of old-school Gyaru (Ganguro and Yamanba) but I never knew what to call them.

(Buriteri: One of the most famous early ganguro girls, nicknamed after the black soy sauce used to flavor yellowtail fish in teriyaki )

Over the summer I decided to research them more and wanted to try the style myself. In one of my many searches I came across Black Cherry, a Nagosa here in Chicago.

*stolen from Krystal`s FB, I hope she doesn`t mind*

Initially, I was terrified of these Gals. I thought they would be catty and make fun of me for being so plain and absent-minded. I would visit their page, wishing to have enough courage to contact them just to see what being Gyaru was all about. One day I got pissed at myself for being such a coward and sent an email to one of the first generation Gals, Lisha. She was really nice and didn`t mind explaining things to me but I was still shitting my pants. XD

I`ve been hanging out with Black Cherry since early September. Since then I've been working on dressing better, doing make up and LA even gave me the name Kira* Kira. They`ve been asking me about when I`m going to apply but I honestly don`t know. I still don`t feel like I`ll ever be even close to being Gal but Black Cherry has been treating me very well.

Right now I don`t consider myself Gal, just a regular GIRL inspired by all Gals.